Your own rules
I’ve always been someone who sees things in black and white, believing that things are either one way or the other. And for those of us who think like this, life eventually slaps us in the face with a big dose of gray. That’s when we realize that life is one big “IT DEPENDS.”
Universal rules don’t exist, which is why we need to be careful with the hair growth sellers we encounter every day. They’ll tell you their way is the right way, that it’s foolproof. But the truth is, you’re going to go bald, and nothing can stop it. The only choice you have is to accept it and find yourself a good hat—or embrace the baldness with pride. It’s up to you.
The reality is that no one can teach you how to live better than yourself because no one else is inside your head. We need to draw inspiration from others, absorb their energy, and use it in the best way we can. But no advice works straight out of someone else’s mind. It’s only when we shape it, adapt it to our own worldview, that we can unlock the full potential hidden within an idea.
Our way of seeing the world is unique, built from fragments of all the experiences we gather throughout life. And while our experiences may resemble those of others, if we look closely, we’ll see that no two are ever exactly the same.
Robert Kegan has an interesting theory about the stages a person must go through to become an independent adult. Around the age of 20, we enter what he calls the “Self-Authoring Mind” stage, where we take responsibility for ourselves and begin developing our own rules and values.
That’s why, when I see so many people stuck in this state—never reaching that stage—I feel a deep sense of sadness. They complain about the government, their parents, or society as a whole, but I don’t see them using that frustration to take control of their own lives.
So never look for the easy way out. There are no magic formulas, and if someone tries to sell you theirs, run as fast as you can. Effort and time put things in their place and shape better people.
Feel free to doubt everything and everyone. No one holds the absolute truth about anything because what worked for them won’t necessarily work for you. Experiment, make mistakes—your path is only found by walking it.
Even if you think someone is horribly fascist, sexist, or just an idiot, expose yourself to all kinds of ideas. Even if you completely disagree, don’t lock yourself in a bubble—just listen. Otherwise, you risk falling into your own trap, believing your truths are the only ones that matter.
And then, the idiot will be you.
Of course, don’t take my word for any of this. Get out there and create your own rules of the game.
